One practical expression of the Ethic of Respect is what we call the Proquest. The Proquest is a strategy we have developed in response to an ongoing dilemma in social change work.

Theodore Roosevelt once said “walk softly and carry a big stick.” If social action today had a motto, it would too often be “walk loudly and carry a toothpick.” In other words, make grand demands about what others “must do” but with nothing to back them up. This has at least four negative consequences:

First, making demands of people often runs up against a deeply entrenched psychological resistance to doing what others demand of us. People who might be willing to make changes may actually be less likely to make them in the face of someone’s demands. It can be experienced as an attack on one’s personal autonomy, sovereignty, and dignity.

Second, by using the language of demands, we may unwittingly further an ideology of competition rather than cooperation and collaboration. In effect, a demand says “you must do this because we say so” rather than “will you do this to be true to your own greatest potential?” It may block the path to true communication, to inspiration or transformation of both society and culture.

Third, it can distract those seeking change from what it takes to actually be effective. Talking tough becomes a substitute for actually having an impact. Making demands of wealthy, powerful people with nothing to back up those demands can often look less than serious or credible, at times even ridiculous. It has become a predictable response in many situations, and usually easily deflected or met with a personal or institutional shoulder shrug.

Fourth, it can send a message to members of the public (for example less politically engaged people who in electoral terms are often referred to as “swing-voters” and “soft voters”) that whatever issue these people are talking about their real cause is anger, hatred, condemnation or division. This is especially true when demands are accompanied by angry or divisive rhetoric and images. It can be a poor way of winning people over to one’s cause.

The Proquest is a targeted action that includes the following components:

One: Acknowledgement. The first element of the Proquest is to acknowledge whatever may be good and worthy in those whose behavior we seek to change, whatever may be challenging in the situation they confront, and the potential they have to do good. It empathizes with people, even those who may do harm. And it raises people up instead of knocking them down.

Two: Specific Request. Element Two of the Proquest is to make a specific request for change that is measurable, achievable and time-bound.

Three: Calm, Resolute and Strategic. Element Three of the Proquest is to maintain a tone of calm resolve while pursuing a path of strategic action. Calm means no shouting, bluster or provocative language, no condemnation of people even as we may condemn certain actions. This is true in all our communications, whether a letter expressing opinions, a petition for change, or a direct action in the streets. Resolute means we mean business, and are committed to bringing about positive change. Strategic means we engage with people in dialogue, and prepare a set of actions, not necessarily divulged, that increasingly apply the pressure of public opinion, moral appeal, and economic consumer power to incentivize change. Actions may also include legal and/or legislative responses, but we do not wait for those institutional channels to have impact.